The Theocracy of Holy Melkite Kingdom is a massive, safe nation, ruled by King Patrick with an even hand, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, anti-smoking policies, and public floggings. The compassionate, devout population of 1.258 billion Holy Melkite Kingdomians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of St Tarcisius City. The average income tax rate is 61.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Holy Melkite Kingdomian economy, worth 86.4 trillion dollars a year, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 68,692 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Newspapers are celebrating King Patrick saving over a million cats from trees, whenever pilots have to bail out the government bails out their company, athletic teenagers are among the wealthiest members of society, and the nation threatens sanctions on islands only visible at low tide. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Holy Melkite Kingdom's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Holy Melkite Kingdom is ranked 65,604^th in the world and 1,908^th in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 69 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.